Our Little Surprise Angel Baby Noah

So Sweet Little Noah was a complete  and utter surprise! Very soon after I ran my first ever half marathon, this little angel started growing inside me. And a few weeks later I nervously  (and secretively) took a pregnancy test. I guess I thought that if I never told anyone that I thought I might be pregnant, that it would hurt less if I wasn't. But to my utter shock, it was positive.  I could not believe it! After all those years of heart ache and trying, when I had finally given up and put myself totally in Heavenly Father's hands--and thrown myself into preparing to be a foster mother--THAT was when Heavenly Father decided the time was right for this little soul's body to start growing. 

My mind was whirring all day. I needed to tell someone, but I was afraid. Unfortunately I had a lot of fear the first 5-6 months of the pregnancy. I kept worrying that I would have another miscarriage. But  after the kids were in bed that night, I told Peter that I had to show him something really crazy that was in the bathroom.  He followed me in, thinking I would produce some interesting scorpion specimen. I just handed him the positive pregnancy test and couldn't even say a word.  He looked at it confused, and after a minute asked, "This is from you?"  I nodded my head yes, and we just sat on the bed for a while, unable to speak. Luckily Peter was more positive and said that was wonderful. I thought it was wonderful too, but again, fear was so powerful over me.  I didn't think I could stand the heart ache of loosing this baby. It was quite a while before I could actually say the words, "I'm pregnant" out loud. I thought that if I said them, it would be cursed. ***I know it seems a bit insane, but I was so scared, and had wanted and prayed for this baby for so many years.

But, as mercies and blessings eventually come (and they come better than we ever could have imagined), we had our miracle surprise baby. Little Noah became our 5th child!  2013 turned out to be a very lucky year fro us--we were blessed with 3 children--each 3 months apart.  Tionne joined us in May, Errie joined us in August after we were able to change our fostering licence to allow us to have 2 children placed in our home, and Noah came in November.

Here's my journal entry on 6/30/13

Little Baby Boy (Sacrifice), I am finally getting around to write about you, now that you are 20 week old and growing strong inside of me. So, after I had the feeling to give away all my baby things before we moved here from San Antonio (along with the feelings to foster/adopt), I thought that was Heavenly Father's answer to tell me that my bosy would no longer be able to create a new life inside of it. It was sad, but at the same time it was nice to feel relieved of the constant stress and pressure I felt to get pregnant. I knew Heavenly Father had more children coming to our family, He was just going to show us His very unique way of getting them here.

Well, Dad and I worked hard and prepared and did everything we could to prepare to be foster parents. We took all the classes and did all the loads of paperwork, but we were just waiting and waiting to be approved. Then as February turned into March of this year, I started really wondering if maybe I was pregnant. I kept trying to push that thought out of my mind--not because I didn't want to be, but because I had spent so many years with that hope in my heart, and been so devastated every time I wasn't. But one day, as Dad and I sat snuggling together my heart was really softened and opened and I felt like the Holy Ghost was whispering to me that I was pregnant and that Heavenly Father left a big gap in our Family between you and Kimball for a special purpose, and that you were really coming, and He would fill in that gap with others. So finally, after a week or so of wondering, I decided to take a test that day to see if I was pregnant. I didn't tell Dad or anyone, I just wanted to see. I have to tell you I was SHOCKED to see it read positive that I was pregnant. That night I couldn't even tell Dad. My mind was whirring all day, "Was this really true?" I finally knew I had to tell Dad something after the kids were in bed. I just said, "Do you want to see something really crazy?" I then led him to the bathroom and showed him the positive result. He looked at me and said, "Is that from you?" We then just sat on the bed in shock together. 

Dad was a lot better at showing his excitement than I was. I was really confused and very scared. So scared that I would have another miscarriage and that I would start to love you and then you'd be gone. I was really a big wreck for quite a while. Finally, after a month or so of those crazy feelings, I asked Dad to give me a blessing. I wanted to be filled with heavenly Father's love and have the courage to love you, even though I could lose you. I was hoping for some sort of reassurance that I wouldn't ever really lose you, but wanted the courage to love even if I did. Well, it was a marvelous blessing. It assured me that you would grow and develop and be healthy and strong because heavenly Father had a special work for you to do on this earth. Dad then paused for a while, and then the rest of the blessing was referring to "he." Well, we got a special sneak preview to know you were a little boy and you really were coming. 

I was so relieved after the blessing, I felt the weight of fear and hurt lift and my heart was filled with love. I was so grateful you were coming, and that heavenly Father was so gracious to let me know everything was going to be ok.

Even after that, it was still a little work for me to not let that fear creep back in. But after many sonograms from the OB proving to me that you were doing well--because I could physically see your little heart beating, and beginning to feel you move and grow inside me, I no longer fear. 

At 15 week I could feel you move inside me. I started referring to you as my wiggle worm because I didn't feel big kicks, just squirming. I could really feel you each morning. I would wake up on my side and roll over on my back to start reading scriptures. As soon as I rolled over you would start squirming as if to say, "hey, I was comfortable, why did you move?" You would then squirm for a while and roll up in a little ball on my tummy. It looked like someone had stuck a softball under my skin. It is so fun to feel you move.

Then around 18 weeks, Dad could feel you move in my tummy. And about 19 weeks, your big brother Joey could feel you too. Kimball loves to give you kisses when I leave to teach my cycling classes. He will give me a kiss and then say, "and a kiss for the baby." He will then lean in and kiss my belly. It's really fun to have you already as part of our family.

So today, I was feeling so exhausted and sick. I didn't have the strength to even get dressed for church, so your great Dad took the boys and I just sat and read and listened to hymns. As I was reading the Ensign, I just got this feeling that I you are a great spirit and it is amazing to know this little body inside of me will house your spirit. I then got the strong impression that you are a great example of sacrifice. That you sacrificed some years of coming to this earth to get a body so that mine and dad's hearts would be opened to fostering other children. You willingly waited for that great opportunity to come to earth and get a body, so that other could have the opportunity to come into our home and learn the gospel.  I am already very impressed with you and proud of your sacrifice. Now I need to find a name that means/symbolizes sacrifice.

So, first trimester things I craved

--my usually chicken nuggets--those seems to be the only thing that sounds good when I am really nauseous

--mac and cheese

--peanut butter and jelly

--green olives (that was a new one for me--I never thought I liked those things until you came along :))

--fat:anything that had fat-- whole milk, non-lean meat etc

Throughout my whole pregnancy you continued to be a very active wiggle worm. You moved a ton, and you were so fast. In 10 seconds I could feel you kick/ punch about 20 times at least. Joey and kimball liked to feel you kick against their hands. They thought you were a ninja. Kimball thought you'd come out and start teaching karate classes. At night after we finally got all the 4 other kids to sleep, dad and I would sit on the couch and just watch you go crazy. I knew you'd have no problem keeping up with you big brothers. Dad even thought you might be having little seizures because of how fast and crazy you would kick. But the dr reassured me that you were just a very active little baby with a normal, underdeveloped nervous system that goes crazy when activated. you just activated yours a lot more than other babies. I was so Grateful for every kick and punch because it reassured me that you were ok and that one day soon I would really get to hold you! That was such a miraculous thought to me because I didn't think I'd ever get that opportunity. I was overwhelmed with tears of joy and gratitude many times at the end of my pregnancy as I realized that you were really mine. I understood a little more what an incredible gift it is to be given a child from Heavenly Father.

I was lucky to be very healthy while pregnant with you. I was even able even able to keep doing/teaching my cycling classes up until 5 days before I went into labor.

Speaking of labor :)  So grandma Taylor got to our house at 10 on the night of November 14. I was hoping you'd come the next morning on the 15th so all the kids would be at school and so that you could share your birthday with grandpa Taylor---but I was trying to not get my hopes up too much.
Well we welcomed grandma Taylor and quickly said goodnight and hoped for exciting things to start happening in the morning. A short while later, at 2 am I woke up with a start and wondered why I was peeing in my sleep. I quickly hopped out of bed to rush to the bathroom and a huge gush of liquid came out. I was so confused about the peeing and slowly started to wonder if it was really my water breaking (that didn't happen with J and K until they were coming out, so I really didn't know what it was like). After about 15 minutes and a few google searches, and some smelling of the liquid (gross, I know, but that’s what google said to do to know if it was amniotic fluid J),  we realized it was my water breaking, but I felt no contractions. Dad read that you have 24 hours to get to the hospital if there are no contractions, so he really wanted to go back to sleep. I was feeling anxious but consented to rest until I felt contractions. After about 5-10 minutes the contractions started at around 2:30 am. I could only lay there for a few minutes.  By the second or third contraction I got up and started getting some things ready to bring to the hospital. (Yes, I did not have my bag ready. I was too worried about making sure the other 4 kids had lunches ready and clean clothes laid out in case I did go into labor. My life was WAY too busy worrying about everyone and everything else). So after a few minutes of packing and having some more contractions that were definitely close together and quickly getting painful, I told Dad that he needed to give up hope of sleeping and get ready to take me to the hospital. I then stood outside grandma Taylor’s door for a minute—not wanting to wake her up because I knew she wouldn’t be able to get much sleep after that, and she’d have a big day in the morning with the kids. But I finally decided to wake her up and tell her we were leaving. She was glad I woke her up and told me to leave right then because she could see the pain on my face.

We got into the car and it was the most painful drive of my life. The hospital was 35 minutes away and the contractions were relentless. It was the closest I’ve ever come to feeling like I was dying.  I barely had time to catch my breath before another contraction would envelope me in pain. When we were about 5 minutes from the hospital, we were coming to the train tracks that we needed to cross. As we approached the lights started flashing to warn that a train was coming. I looked at Dad and used every ounce of strength I had to push out these words through my gritted teeth, “DON’T STOP!” Luckily he gunned it and we made it over the tracks before the train got there (otherwise, we might have had that baby on the roadside).

We finally made it to the hospital and I was quickly placed in a wheelchair. The receptionist tried to check me in but after 1 question realized it was ridiculous and there was no time for that. I just sat there trying to survive the pain, and watching my lap fill up with amniotic fluid. The nurse quickly wheeled me back to the room and said, “no matter how dilated you are, you’re officially checked in cause you just christened the entire hallway with fluid.”

I was quickly helped into a gown and hooked up to the monitors. At this point I could not even breathe…there was no time to catch my breath between the horrendous contractions. The Dr was just scrubbing up to deliver another baby, but was quickly redirected to my room. The baby’s heart would stop during every contraction—I think he and I were in such severe pain we couldn’t even function. The Dr rushed in to the room and the nurse looked at me and said, “don’t be afraid to push.” I thought, “oh ya, I’m supposed to push. The harder I push, the sooner this horrible pain will be over.”  I think I was just trying to survive. It had been a while since I had a baby, and my life was so crazy that I hadn’t thought much about what I’m supposed to do in labor. So, After 2 good pushes, sweet baby Noah entered the world at 3:52 am on November 15, 2013 (after less than an hour and a half of labor. We named him Noah Spencer since he shares his birthday with Grandpa Taylor—they share middle names too. The weight was 6 pounds 13 ounces and 21.5 inches long. But later in the day when a new nurse came in she said, “that is not a 6 pound baby.”  She got another scale and weighed him again and it was 7  13 this time.  That sounded much more reasonable to me. I had been wondering how in the world did I possibly have a 6 pounder.  The original scale must have been off.

Well, little Noah, when you came out, you were so peaceful!  You were so incredibly calm.  (Dad and I were really hoping you would stay that way, cause the other 4 kids were the total opposite of calm.) You just laid in my arms and looked around with your eyes open. Just taking it all in. It was such a wonderful miracle to get to hold you in our arms.

Dad just rechecked your kilo weight and that would have been 8 pounds 3 ounces. Who ever converted it to pounds was way off.

Our Miracle surprise baby

After you got settled into this world, Dad went home to help Grandma get all the kids ready and off to school. Then he and grandma took a nap, and brought Joey and Kimball back to the hospital to meet you. They loved you right away. They loved looking at all your cute little baby features.

They were so proud to hold you. The lights were bright int he room and J and K wanted to see you open your eyes, so they shielded your eyes from the light so you would open them and look up at your big brothers.

Since they are sugarholics, I saved J and K the sugar packets from my breakfast so they could eat a treat.  They loved it

Sweet angel baby!  You kept me up the ENTIRE night in the hospital.  I was so tired from not sleeping more than a few hours over those 2 days. But I'd feed you, swaddle you, guzzle some water, and lay you down in the bassinet in the hospital room and pray I'd get some sleep. But without fail, you'd wake up 10 minutes later and start crying. I was so exhausted, but I just kept holding and feeding you all night.

Dad finally came the next morning and I tried to get out as fast as we could so I could go home and get some sleep.

 Welcome Home Baby Noah!

You had 4 older siblings who were so excited to see you come home! 

You were held a lot!

Everybody missed mommy when she was gone. Tionne and Rocky needed some snuggles along with Noah

Joey and Kimball loved the story of how almost 2 year old Joey brought lots of cars and put them all over Kimball when we brought him home from the hospital, so they decided to do the same to you.

 I couldn't resist taking lots of pictures of all the cute baby goodness!